Poor Man's Epic (Ben Hur Review)

Quick Facts:

 Developer: Krome Studios

Initial Release Date: August 8, 2016

Platforms: Xbox One

Rating: T (Violence)

Remember being a kid? You probably had bright, curious eyes and a contagious laugh that made you look forward to the life ahead of you. With each bounding step you were reacting constantly to external stimuli. From the sudden joy of finding your favorite toy to the itching curiosity of not knowing what was hiding in your presents, you were constantly experiencing a flux of emotions and moods that made life interesting...

If there was one thing that really made life interesting back in those days, it was the joy of discovering that your favorite box of cereal also had a toy in it! With great expectation you'd ask your mom or dad to pick up a box of your favorite cereal, and then rush to get to the hidden gem. It was always something silly, like a flashlight, a battery operated gizmo, or just a collectible, but you wanted it. The toy might have entertained you for only a few minutes, but you'll always remember it. If the toy wasn't what you thought it'd be, you'd feel the bitter sting of disappointment, but at least you had the delicious, crunchy cereal to enjoy.

Ben Hur is like finding a toy that seemed pretty decent when you laid eyes on it, but then realize that it's a one trick pony. And there is no cereal at the end. Only wasted hard drive space.

It's a game made for those with really short attention spans or miserable hand eye coordination, but it presents itself as a challenge. Every minute of game play, little bubbles full of gamerscore popped up to reward me for playing the game. Congratulations! You won a race. Good job! You knocked someone off their chariot. Hooray! You turned left. Well done! You wrecked.

Through this game's extensive three race career, I managed to get almost every achievement the game had to offer. You might think that the races are interspersed with some kind of dialogue, story, or at least context, and you'd be wrong. If I were to write a strategy guide for Ben Hur it'd look like this.

"Start the game. Choose 'New Race'. Whip opponents. Turn left. Win."

It's as simple as that! Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that you can whip your horses by tapping the A button, but don't do it too much because the horses get exhausted after two seconds and will slow down to a speed that is slower than the starting speed before you started whipping them. But, if you don't whip them you can't expect to win, because the computer players don't have that problem.

So instead of a boost mechanic you'd see in other racers with a bar and a cool down, you'll constantly be tapping that button at weird intervals. It's like pouring a soda slowly over a cup of ice. Pour it too fast and you'll fizz all over the table, but if you pour it too slowly, the soda will be flat.

The only part of this game I did enjoy was when other racers wrecked in slow motion, but even that design choice was odd. Instead of swinging the camera around briefly to show the wreckage (like Burnout Paradise does so well), it reveals the wreckage in a little square at the bottom of the screen as if the race were being covered by ESPN.

If you don't mind these weird design quirks, and if you're looking for easy gamerscore, then I'd recommend this game for the sole purpose of experiencing something new. It will only last a few minutes, so even if the experience is painful it'll be brief. Then, after you've finished beating the game, go get yourself some delicious, crunchy cereal. Your inner child will thank you.