Lost in Space (No Man's Sky Review)

Quick Facts:

Developer: Hello Games

 Initial Release Date: August 9th, 2016

Platforms: PS4, PC

Rating:  T (Fantasy Violence)

Space is infinite. There are millions of stars and solar systems beyond our own home planet, Earth. In No Man's Sky, Hello Games attempted to recreate this illusion of nearly infinite possibility using an ingenious algorithm. Everything is generated using a sophisticated formula that has never been used in games before. Planets, animals, plants, atmospheres, and landscapes are put together seamlessly as you explore the vast depths of space. There are no loading screens, no wait times, just complete freedom to go wherever you want.

After reading up on this game, I was very excited to become an interstellar explorer. Soon, my name would be over the vast universe as an interplanetary scientist, researching the worlds beyond our own, and recording them for the rest of the known universe to experience. My eyes brightened with excitement as the game finally finished installing on my PS4. With a deep breath, I took the cool plastic controller in my hand and pressed start. From this point, my journey was just beginning.

As the stars zoomed past, I imagined myself on a wonderful, tropical paradise, naming animals and relaxing in the cool breeze. Or maybe it'd be a cold, frost bitten planet where I'd have to find shelter and warmth to survive, and where all of the creatures would be fur laden mammals made to survive such harsh temperatures. Soon, the stars stopped flying past, and the screen went dark. Where was I going to end up?! I held my breath as the screen started brightening with color. Sadly, it wasn't a color I was hoping for.

Instead of a bright, lush tropical paradise, or an adventurous frozen wonderland, I set foot on something that looked like the microscopic image of a far flung piece of nasal excrement. Constant rain drops pelted the ground around me, and I let myself relax for a moment. Well, at least it's not extremely dangerous here. That thought lasted about five seconds until I took the time to notice my little white bar decreasing at a slow and steady pace. What is that? I thought to myself. Finally, the realization slapped me in the face. Really? I stared at the screen in annoyance.

Acid rain. Not only did I wind up on a planet that looked like Dagoba minus the foliage and a wise Jedi Master who had an odd grasp on the English language, but now it was raining acid on me. No wonder there wasn't any life here, except for some mushrooms sprouting up out of the ground like gross, hairy growths on the nasal excrement. I sighed and walked to my ship. Well, I'm leaving this disgusting planet, and then I'll enjoy myself.

Aha there it is! I walked over to my beautiful ship and pressed the enter button. The ship closed around me and I looked out, saying bye to the planet. Normally, I'd say good bye to a place I'd been to, but there was nothing good about this planet. I pressed the ignition button, and then growled. Apparently, my ship was broken.

Great! I yelled to myself and exited the ship. First, I'm on the ugliest planet of all time, and now I have to fix a ship that was broken. Calm, alluring music filled my ears, as if I were taking in the most astounding landscape. Apparently the game wasn't smart enough to realize that I had the short straw in the planet drawing. Fine, enough about the planet, I thought to myself as I walked away from the ship. I'm gonna leave here soon anyway.

I pulled out my laser to mine some materials, then realized the laser was broken. What on Earth did I do to myself before the game started? My voice became gravelly as I started whacking rocks with all my force. Who would've known that this amazing, expensive game would've boiled down to Minecraft in space. 

After about an hour of wandering around the planet, I finally had the materials to fix my ship. With a sudden burst of excitement I ran all the way back to my ship, transferred the materials and was ready for take off. What I didn't realize....was that the thrusters and the launching part of the ship were different. In short, my ship was still broken. With that, I shut the game off. I wanted to explore the infinite depths of space, I really did, but this game had a way of teasing me. It's like a date with a girl who won't give you a kiss goodnight...after dating for six months. Although I do admire the effort put into this game, I can't say that I recommend it.

It's a well designed game, with a nice soundtrack, decent graphics, and smooth game play, but you will need lots of time to get anything good out of it, and time is not something I have a lot of these days. Therefore, if you are in the mood for something different, calm, and interesting, try it. It's definitely worth the experience, but I would borrow it, not buy it. At least for now.

The one thing I must say is that it was a valiant and creative effort on the part of Hello Games to create something this innovative. I understand the art of game design and must say that they were genius in their ideas. The only problem is that the genius they instilled in this game is hard to get to initially, and it takes time to leave the planet that you're on. Now if you start on a beautiful planet then by all means enjoy yourself! But for me, and my little, poopy planet I wound up on, I realized something from the start. This game had an appropriate title, and I would definitely say it was Not My Sky. 

Miami Case Files...in Color! (Battlefield Hardline Review)

Quick Facts:

 Developer: EA DICE, Visceral Games, Criterion Games

Initial Release Date: March 17, 2015

Platforms: PS4, Xbox One, PS3, Xbox 360, PC

Rating: M (Blood and Gore, Intense Violence, Strong Language, Use of Drugs)

WARNING: THIS GAME IS NOT APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN OR YOUNGER TEENS

Today was just one of those days. The rain kept pouring down on our backs, soaking us in dark, wet depression. We couldn't let it get to us now. There was a job to be done. A guy to find. Oddly, I couldn't see my feet. Whenever I looked down, all I saw was the beautifully illuminated texture of the concrete beneath me. My partner didn't seem to notice my sudden fascination and kept whispering at me to follow behind closely. Don't let them see you. Got it.

With each splashing step of my invisible feet I inched closer to the fence. Some crazy lady to my right was yelling at nobody and rummaging through a trash can. Weird, I thought to myself. She must be on something. Suddenly, I whipped my head around to see my partner crossing the street, sticking her butt out like a prideful turkey. Did she really need to walk like that? I thought to myself and followed suit. 

There was no one here, except for the crazy lady talking to her trash can. I looked her way and stared in disbelief. Where was my partner going? I moved with an unnaturally smooth grace across the street, not even shifting my weight from foot to foot as I glided. Maybe I didn't have feet.

While my thoughts wandered I suddenly noticed that everything was an odd shade of blue.

"We are almost there. We can't let them see us." A voice whispered to me as I abruptly stopped. Something was wrong here. Suddenly, the realization slapped me as my face flushed red in embarrassment. I stepped away slowly, hoping that my partner didn't realize that my face had been suddenly acquainted with her rear end. Phew, she didn't notice.

I stood up straight, trying to regain my composure as I looked over at three guys talking to each other. The street lamp highlighted them as they carried on a conversation. Little shadows danced around their clothes as the wind blew. For some reason I kept noticing the tiny details this evening, but that's part of my job. I AM a detective.

As time passed I noticed that the three men stopped. Their forms swayed back and forth, making hand gestures but not saying anything. My eyes glanced over at my partner, who was calmly taking everything in. She was silent, looking out at the three men, and then me. Was I missing something?

With some hesitation, I walked over to the three men, calmly floating across the wet concrete. I felt the sudden urge to do something drastic as I approached them.

"Police! Drop your weapons!" I yelled, flashing my badge from across the street in the dark. Immediately two of them ran off, but the third one stood with his hands up. I quickly glided over to the man and then did something that was difficult to explain. Normally, I wouldn't share this kind of information in a report, but I need to in this case.

Without warning I was out of control of my body, and I saw myself talking to this guy. I suddenly had feet, and a face that I could actually look at. Did I look that beat up? Oh well.

The man talked to us and swore that he didn't know where our suspect was, even though we knew he was good friends with him. We threatened him a couple of times, and them punched him around a bit. I couldn't control any of my actions, but I knew that I probably would've done the same thing. It was like one of those out of body experiences people talk about. Thankfully, it was over in a few minutes, and I arrested the man, putting the cuffs on him and slamming him to the ground. Everything went smoothly, and within minutes I was done with the mission.

This is just one of the many missions I accomplished while playing Battlefield Hardline. Instead of focusing on major wars like previous Battlefield entries, this one plays out like a police drama. Everything from the office scenes to arresting people on the streets reminded me of different cop dramas I had seen over the years. I even collected evidence using a scanner, and then put the pieces together to learn more about the criminals I was trying to catch.

Although the game is not as intricate as L.A. Noire, another game that was a police drama, the action in this game is a lot more polished, along with the visuals. It isn't a completely fair comparison since the L.A. Noire came out on last gen consoles like Xbox 360 exclusively, but the environments do look amazing in Battlefield Hardline.

I was drawn into each plot twist and action scene, since the acting is great and the environments are beautifully detailed with smooth animation and gorgeous lighting. I will not spoil any plot point here, since it is not my goal in this report to ruin the story of such a great game.

If stories and awesome environments aren't your thing, there are a variety of competitive multiplayer modes to keep you company. I didn't play a lot of the multiplayer before writing this report because I believe that once you play it for a few minutes you can fully understand the experience. Basically, do the objective, kill other players, get points, level up, get new weapons, rinse, repeat. Nothing new in the multiplayer shooting market. It's not offensive in any way, nor is it boring, but it didn't stand out to me in any particular way.

Overall, if you enjoy police dramas filled with suspense, plot twists, justice, good graphics, and a lack of feet as you glide around town, then I'd recommend Battlefield Hardline. Now I just need to file this report and get ready for another mission on the Miami Police Force. Officer J.S. Out.

Keeping the Creed (Assassin Creed Unity Review)

Quick Facts:

Developer: Ubisoft

Initial Release Date: November 11, 2014

Platforms: PS4, Xbox One, PC

Rating: M (Blood and Gore, Intense Violence, Sexual Themes, Strong Language, Use of Alcohol)

WARNING: THIS GAME IS NOT APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN OR YOUNGER TEENS

Assassins are mysterious phantoms. They hide among the crowd, waiting for their highly valued prey. With each passing moment, they learn more about their target. Nothing goes unnoticed, not even the subtlest detail about their victim. An assassin can study every intricacy of a person, from the subtle sway of their walk to the furtive eye movements made during important negotiations. Of course, there is one piece of information that takes priority above all others. They know when their victim will be  alone.

In one swift strike, the predator steals the life of their unfortunate prey. With a slight smirk, the assassin will then report their exploits to their client, and be paid for their highly skilled craft. A skilled player in Assassin's Creed: Unity can pull off this kind of stunt with the slightest ease. The controls are intuitive and easy to learn. Even if you forget, there is a helpful diagram at the top right of the screen that shows what each button does in a given situation which is very helpful.

Thankfully, the diagram doesn't take away from the beautifully lit environments. Each cobblestone can be seen in the street as you walk down it, and light realistically reflects off of each surface as the time of day changes. It is simultaneously pretty and grimy. Dirt can be seen clinging to the clothes of beggars as they line the streets calling out for just enough money to survive, which adds to the gritty realism that the game is trying to portray. A red suited man jumping all over buildings and on top of people like a misplaced French Mario brother does not. This is where the seriousness of the game breaks down altogether.

See, most people play this game with the intent of pulling off the stealthiest kill and going away undetected. I do my best to be really noticeable, and then if someone in the game has a problem with it, I kill them. Not civilians of course, since the game won't allow you to lay a hand on them, although the guards give me problems. They can't seem to understand that it is perfectly normal for a man to stand on top of a lamppost and try to land on someone's head as they walk underneath, or interrupt a romantic evening by standing awkwardly between a couple until they start oddly swaying back and forth in confusion.

In fact, I think I'm the sane one compared to most of the people in this game. On the way to stop a thief, I noticed that there was a woman literally yelling at a wall. Her arms flailed around like she was throwing a temper tantrum, and suddenly she just stopped, staring at the bricks as if they were responding to her inaudible demands. Weird.

After stopping the thief, the guards started attacking. Whether it was out of jealous rage or a serious misunderstanding I wasn't sure, but I knew what to do with them. Combat in Assassin's Creed: Unity is simplistic but well implemented. You swing your sword with one button, and parry with another. Thankfully, your opponents tell you that they are about to swing their sword about thirty seconds before they actually start moving towards you, so you have plenty of time to react. Once you DO react, you can finish them off with a wonderfully animated take down, which is contextual based on your position.

A healthy splatter of blood covers the walls and floor of whatever room you're in when in combat, showing a realistic depiction of swordplay. For those who are not into violent games, there isn't much to fear here. Although there is a little bit of blood, there isn't a lot of dismemberment or anything too gruesome during these combat sequences. Think of it like a basic PG-13 rated action flick and you'll get the gist of it.

Once I finished off the last guard, I stopped to marvel at the wonderful sunset. Lights play off the environment beautifully, even though the brightness can hurt the eyes if it's set too high (which can be adjusted in the menus). It is then that I noticed the subtle details. Once I wiped the blood off of my blade I took a moment to breathe and look around. One thing that Assassin's Creed: Unity does well is it's attention to detail.

When you walk around the city, you'll notice little details that most developers overlook. I once ran into a group of people dancing to classical violin music. It wasn't a canned animation that looped every five seconds either, it was a legitimate dance. Minor artistic touches like these are what makes games art.

You may be wondering more about the story, and after this review you will still wonder about it because I won't tell you. It is better that you experience the story for yourself than if I were to weakly attempt to summarize it in such a short review. All I can say is that it is well written, the voice actors did a fantastic job, and the graphics will glue your eyes to the screen.

Also, if you are in the mood for some comical camaraderie, there is a multiplayer option where you and a few friends can play co-op missions together. All you have to do is find them, invite them to your game, and wander the city together, climbing buildings and jumping on people to your hearts content. You can also attempt the harder group missions that provide cosmetic and monetary rewards if you feel up to the challenge.

Assassin's Creed: Unity is a great experience and I enjoyed my time with it. It has beautiful graphics, a moving soundtrack, and a keen eye for intricate detail. Even if you are not an aspiring assassin, this game will kill time in an efficient and enjoyable manner.

Rogue Robots (Ultratron review)

Quick Facts:

Developer: Puppy Games

Initial Release Date: March 18, 2013

Platforms:  PS3, PS4, PS Vita, Wii U, Xbox One, PC, Mac, Linux

Rating: E

Intruder alert! Sirens scream everywhere as you try to stay alive. Colorful sparks flood the screen as each robot is destroyed with deadly precision. Lights flash over the metal assassin as he fills the arena with sparks and coins that it must collect. With each defeated adversary, you feel a unique sensation. Blood pumps through your veins as techno music fills the neon backdrop with an underlying sense of urgency. You must escape, but there is a fear creeping deep within. What if there is no end? 

You ignore the thought and focus on the last few enemies in the room creeping towards you. Within seconds they erupt in sparks and currency. The game pauses. Is this the end? No. Suddenly, the game transports you to a different room altogether, letting you upgrade your weapons, repair your shields, and install little helpers that can fire on their own. A deep suspicion starts to formulate inside of your brain as you look at the options laid out before you. If this factory wants you dead, then why are they allowing you to become more powerful? Do they want to see you destroy all of their hard work? 

Ultratron never answers these questions. Instead of weaving a narrative to explain your actions, or why everything wants to shoot you, it assumes you aren't here for answers. You're here for a challenge of wit and reflexes. This isn't a story driven indie masterpiece like Limbo or Braid. It's a retro style throwback to a simpler time when games didn't need to say a word to demand your attention. 

Everything from the neon graphics to the simplistic gameplay brings back memories of dimly lit arcades filled with gamers trying to reach the coveted top score. The main difference between this new generation of retro style twin-stick shooter (where you control the character with the left joystick, and aim with the right), and previous shooters is that your competition is far greater. While the arcade dwellers had each other and the occasional visitor to compete against, Ultratron unites the world.

When your little robot friend finally bites the dust (and it will), the game greets you with your score, and then how insignificant your efforts were compared to the world's elite gamers. It can be disheartening to realize that the hour you pumped into surviving endless waves of malicious robots only netted you the 123,456th place on the leaderboard, but that is where the longevity of the game comes to the forefront. Some may seek to conquer the world with their amazing skills and razor sharp reflexes. With time and effort, they may reach the top and have their name forever remembered until someone surpasses them. That is the brutal irony of achieving the top of a leaderboard. You're only recognized if you remain there. If you are not the competitive type, then these leaderboards will probably be irrelevant to you.

But, if you are in the mood for an intense, neon filled adrenaline rush then I'd highly recommend this game. Just don't expect to be involved in a deep narrative or complex gameplay. It's a simple shooter with one specialty that it does really well...destroy your rogue robot as fast as possible.

(At the time of this writing, this game was free to PS Plus members on PS3, PS4, and PS Vita, which is where I received my copy for review. If you are interested in getting the game and are a PS Plus subscriber, now would be the best time.)

The History of Warfare (Warriors Orochi 3 Ultimate Review)

Quick Facts:

Developer: Omega Force
Initial Release Date: September 2, 2014

Platforms: PS3, PS4, PS Vita, Xbox ONE

Rating: T (Mild language, Suggestive Themes, Use of Alcohol and Tobacco, Violence)

Ancient warfare was brutal. Soldiers did not have the convenience of long range weaponry, and had to rely on quick footwork, strong arms, and brilliant hand eye coordination to take down their foes. Thousands of people would battle for supremacy across wide battlefields, but only certain ones had special abilities. Their talents extended far beyond the connection with their swords and spears and into the depths of their souls. 

Some might think that these gifts dealt in the realm of strategy or sophistication in warfare, but I am here to report from first hand experience that these men and women were far more powerful. They did not spend time in war rooms concocting brilliant battlefield strategies. Instead, they spent their time and energy training diligently. After months of physical labor they emerged onto the battlefield with a new authority.

They tore through hundreds of soldiers, slashing through waves of trained combatants and standing among their disappearing bodies in victory. Warriors Orochi 3 Ultimate captures this feeling perfectly. As I sat there pressing a single button, I wiped away hundreds of fighters and chuckled at their weakness. The more I fought, the more powerful my soldiers became. Each one has their own leveling system, which dictates the length and complexity of their combos, as well as other stats such as health and magical abilities.

It is easy to pick up and play for anyone willing to hold a controller, but is not difficult enough for those who want to keep the controller firmly in their grasp. Once you get the main controls down, the repetition begins to sink in a sort of relaxing, satisfying rhythm. It's oddly cathartic when you witness hundreds of people falling beneath your mighty sword. Even the bosses are defeated with relative ease, which may be a turnoff for anyone looking for a relatively challenging experience.

When you are not fighting, you are probably wondering where to go next. Usually a map is supposed to be helpful in directing someone get from point A to point B, but this game would rather show you how point A goes to point X, what point D is doing to point F, how point E is reacting to point S, and how Point T is tired of the way Points U and W are treating it when suddenly Point B disappears entirely. In short, the map is in a battle of it's own. The map consists of lots of blue dots for friends, and red dots for enemies, which is simple enough, but if you are looking for directions, I have one piece of advice. Go as far to the opposite corner from where you started from as possible. If you run into a wall or a gate, or if someone starts randomly yelling at you in Japanese for going in that direction, then you are closer to beating the mission.

While you travel from one point to another, you begin to realize that nothing in the world has texture. There might be some tiny blades of grass here and there, but nothing feels like the battles are taking place in a realistic environment. This is definitely not a deal breaker, and I actually enjoyed the simplistic style of the game. It made it easier for me to focus on all of the crazy events going on without being distracted by unnecessary detail.

Once the battles are over, you return to a base camp and upgrade characters, which is a pretty straightforward process, though it is never fully explained. I won't ruin the surprise in this review, but let's just say that once you figure out weapon upgrading you will enjoy it. It seems like an unnecessary addition to the game, since almost every enemy you'll come across falls in one hit, but it is still a nice touch to see the progression of your characters and their mastery of the weapons that they wield.

Now you may have noticed that I have spent the whole review discussing the mechanics and haven't mentioned the story once. Well, to be honest, I didn't pay much attention to it. When a game starts off with a normal battle, then throws in a hydra, and then says that you can randomly time travel back and forth to save people that you didn't save previously because the hydra was about to kill you and some spirit lady shows up out of the blue to tell you all of this without any backstory...you get lost. It's also in Japanese, with English subtitles, which is not a bad thing, but it gets tedious to read paragraphs worth of material as the characters stand there and converse with each other in a language I do not understand. This is a personal view, since a lot of people prefer a Japanese recording to their English dubbed counterparts, but I would like it if I didn't have to read as much to get the story. If I wanted to read that much, I'd turn off my Xbox and open a book.

Even though it sounds as though I am giving this game a lot of negative criticism, I really enjoyed the experience. The simplicity of it is cathartic, especially after a long, hard day. With Warriors Orochi 3 Ultimate, I can just sit back, relax, and fight epic battles without worrying about skill or practice. It's like a sweet dessert to my steady diet of virtual challenge that I get from other games. I highly recommend this game for those who are in the mood for mindless fun, whether that is through fighting hundreds of enemies in battles, or fighting your friends one on one in duel mode. Just don't use it as a source for a history paper on ancient warfare, or else you'll fail it.

Journal of a Time Traveler (Life Is Strange: Episode 1 review)

Quick Facts:

Developer: Dontnod Entertainment
Initial Release Date: January 29, 2015

Platforms: Linux, PC, Mac, PS3, PS4, Xbox 360, Xbox One

Rating: M (Blood, Intense Violence, Sexual Themes, Strong Language, Use of Drugs, Use of Alcohol)

WARNING: THIS GAME IS NOT APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN OR YOUNGER TEENS

Dear Journal,

Everyone thinks I'm a freak. It's not easy being the new girl at Blackwell Academy, especially if you don't know how to communicate with the outside world except through clicks of the camera. You see, I capture the world in brief, immortal glimpses. My eyes notice light, color, and texture, and I seek to catch that moment in time. In pictures, one can witness a scene in this world's ongoing play. It's like preserving a piece of life, holding it captive within the borders of a simple piece of paper.

When I show people my work, it's like letting them glimpse into my soul. It's not just a photograph, it's like...like letting someone look through my eyes, and feel my raw emotions. Each picture I take shows them another piece of who I am. That is why I couldn't turn in my work today.

If my professor saw it, he'd probably laugh at it. He'd dismiss it as the work of an amateur, and leave me with a crushed piece of my soul. Nothing would be good enough for him. He's famous around the world as a brilliant photographer, and I'm just me. Nothing special, nothing to admire, nothing to appreciate. Wow, that got depressing.

Something was different today though. Ever have that feeling that someone is watching you? Yeah, it's similar to that, but on a deeper level. I felt like...like someone was looking at me and making judgements based on what I did. I tried to keep myself together, but for some reason I kept seeing chalky, white letters appearing above random objects. It freaked me out but I kept my cool. No one needed to think I was even more of a freak. 

These notes kept showing up everywhere, but only on certain objects and people. Am I crazy? Maybe. I tried to sneak out the door to gather my thoughts, but my professor stopped me. I came up with some lame excuse why I couldn't turn in my photography assignment and a little note popped up next to his head. "He will remember that," it said. What the heck? 

I ran to the bathroom to gather my composure...and then was back in class again. The same...exact...place. I still don't remember how I got there, but I know something was wrong. Everyone rehearsed the same lines I heard before, like I was on some kind of film set and my class was a group of actors. I might be crazy, but I think I have a superpower. Get me a cape and a catchphrase because I'm here to save the day! I must be losing it.

Apparently I can manipulate time, which is pretty rad. The rest of the day I spent using my time manipulation abilities to change things. I'm a hero! Maybe this little freak can actually do something for once to help humanity. Taking pictures is fun, but something about running around saving the day sounds better. Of course, there still was that feeling of someone watching me...and judging.

I hope nobody reads this journal entry or they're going to think I'm crazy or stupid. Who cares? There must be a reason for me to have this power, and I haven't found out why yet but I have a feeling that this is just the beginning of a long journey. If there is anything I learned today, it's this...

Life is Strange.

- Max Caulfield

Caverns for Kids (Spelunker World Review)

Quick Facts:

Developer: Tozai Games
Initial Release Date: November 11, 2015

Platforms: PS4

Rating: E

Imagine the deep, dark underworld of a mysterious cavern. Each step into your descent you move further away from the familiarity of the light caressed surface to find yourself lost and alone. The claustrophobic tightness of the rock formations sometimes cause those who enter them to squirm and shiver under the powerful influence of fear. This is the risk people take to explore the unknown world beneath our feet. Welcome to the hobby commonly known as spelunking.

People all over the world partake in this dangerous pastime in order to explore places most wouldn't dare to enter. It's the thrill of the descent rewarded by the beauty and spectacle of the cavernous underworld. Sometimes they run across underground lakes that shimmer in an eerie glow or find rare jewels buried in the rock. This isn't a common occurrence, but it is possible.

Spelunker World attempts to capture this feeling of exploration and discovery, but through the lens of a children's book. Instead of feeling fear, all I felt was aggravation and a deep desire to show the game that I could get through the caves unscathed. This is partially due to the fact that these are some of the wimpiest spelunkers I've ever seen in my life. Fall two feet from a rope to the ground and you get to watch as the character grabs his knee before the game restarts you back at the last checkpoint.

These checkpoints are placed generously around the map, but why are these guys even down here? Children off of a kindergarten playground can take better falls than these animated spelunkers, but oh well. At least I still enjoy the game. I just have to be more careful with their fragile bodies.

Once I got over that hurdle, I realized that they also can't run, even when a boulder is falling after them like that scene from Indiana Jones. My eyes focused on the screen as I pressed the right button as hard as I could, only to watch my character waddle like a constipated wind up toy. Come on! I caught myself saying to the screen. Thankfully, the developers also knew the limitations of their characters and set up the chase so that I barely made it out alive.

Outside of those small grievances, the game is actually quite entertaining. Every cave is unique, and some of the platforming sections are genuinely enjoyable. I caught myself smiling as I'd rush through the cave as fast as possible, picking up items and dodging hazards with ease. After getting accustomed to the slower pace of movement, it became easier to maneuver around the environments which are nicely animated.

The game ditches realism in favor of a simplistic, clean art style which I appreciate. It is easy to tell different items apart and the gameplay mechanics are straight forward. For example, in order to open the blue door you will need a blue key. The only difficult part is finding that blue key, but if it were too easy the game wouldn't be any fun.

Once the level is completed, you are rewarded with experience points which help level your character up (which didn't seem to produce any noticeable results except extra storage space in the backpack). Also, there is an interesting collecting mechanic where you open up "lithos" to unlock new pieces of clothing. I'm not an expert in spelunking or anything, but I don't know how you can make a t-shirt out of some rocks you found in the ground, and even if you could I wouldn't want to wear it.  If you don't like the clothes you unlock, you can always sell them for more gold, which can be used to buy more stuff in the store later on.

One thing that I found very odd about the game's design was that all of the levels are unlocked from the beginning. You don't have to beat level one to get to level two, though it is recommended. If you feel like a boss, you can go ahead and try to beat the further levels first but I can guarantee that you will be frustrated at the spelunkers inability to trip without crying about it. 

Overall, I really enjoyed this game, and will probably continue playing it until I beat every level with my wimpy wanderer. Through the fire, flames, bat poop, and rolling stones I will prevail. In fact, anyone with free time and a Playstation 4 can join me in my quest to conquer the darkest caves because the game is completely free. There are no paywalls, limited microtransactions and everything is playable from the start. Just be careful. Two foot falls and bat poop are deadly.

American Playground (The Crew Review)

Quick Facts:

Developers: Ubisoft, Ivory Tower, Ubisoft Reflections
Initial Release Date: December 2, 2014

Platforms: PC, PS4, Xbox 360, Xbox One

Rating: T (Language, Mild Blood, Mild Suggestive Themes, Violence)

I am the king of the road. The smell of smoke and burning rubber ignite my instinct as I prepare myself for another race that I am certain I'll win. Up to this point, I haven't lost to anyone, and I don't plan on giving this crown to an unworthy suitor. Let the games begin.

Suddenly I slam on the pedal and the powerful engine revs as my black car bolts like a streak of lightning down the road. I savor every moment as the sunlight dances off of the metallic vehicles and reflects off of the beautiful blue water of the ocean. This is paradise, I told myself as I weaved in and out of traffic. 

The sense of speed is incredible as objects blur past in flashes of realistic light and color. This may be one of the prettier racing titles I've ever played, but there was one thing I did not expect. Without warning, my winning streak was crushed under the boot of an unexpected assailant. Out of nowhere, another car runs into me from the side, leaving ugly white streaks down my sleek paint job. The other cars kept racing by and I glared at the floating ID. This was not an car controlled by the intelligence of the game I was in, but of another player who had no interest in my race or respect for my title.

Suddenly, I pop up a menu to find out who this person is, and realize he is both a higher level and a more experienced driver than I am. I thought I was the king of this continental castle, but I was dead wrong. The other car revved it's engine as if it were mocking my little black streak of lightning. For a brief second, the other car looked somewhat menacing, until it drove off into the sunset, never to be seen again.

This is only a brief scene of what one can expect when playing The Crew. It is a magnificent playground of cities, swamps, deserts, and fields to drive through. The only constraints are the ocean and your willingness to explore the detailed map to find new cars and parts. Every moment of The Crew feels great thanks to smooth driving controls and an easy to follow GPS system. All you have to do is open up the map with one press of a button, find a spot, and mark it. The game then proceeds to tell you the route to that spot using the road systems it has built in place. 

But, this game isn't called The Crew just for it's story (which I will not spoil in this review). This game has a unique feature. Unlike other driving games, you can invite other players to be part of your "crew" and take on missions with you. These missions vary from getting to a certain place at a certain time to wrecking a competitor's car. They vary in difficulty, and the different members of your crew can take on various roles depending on what needs to be done by switching out their cars and modifications. 

Of course, if you don't feel like doing missions, you and your friends can just as easily fool around the entire map seamlessly in multiplayer. That's right, you can literally drive across the country with your friends with no load times or artificial barriers. This kind of multiplayer leads to dynamic and engaging gameplay, including spontaneous games of motor tag (where you run into another car and that person is "it" until they hit you back) to shoving random players into the swamps of the Everglades.

Although this game shines bright with innovation and entertainment, there are a few dark spots. I reviewed the vanilla version of The Crew (vanilla meaning that I didn't buy any downloadable content for it, and I didn't purchase the Wild Run expansion), which led to a few incidences of disappointment. One incident involved a friend and his immediate desire to purchase a motorcycle.

We drove all the way from the Everglades to the Midwest (about forty minutes in real time, which is impressive from a technical standpoint), and my friend was so excited. All the way down the road he talked about what kind of motorcycle he was going to buy, what he was going to do with it, and lots of other technical details I couldn't follow. As we got closer, his voice rose in excitement, and I was ready to see his new, shiny bike. Sadly, when we arrived, all hope was lost. 

The motorcycle shop showed on the map. All of the motorcycles available for purchase revealed themselves in bright, metallic glory on the screen, but there was a catch. Where one would normally purchase these bikes was a button. A big button that said, "Buy Wild Run." There was a sudden silence, and then he said, "I guess I can't get one then." 

Personally, I do not like it when companies fully reveal downloadable content in a game as if you own it only to show the bitter truth that it's actually locked behind a pay wall. Why not just hide the content until the downloadable content is bought? Well, I guess it's so people will WANT to buy it, but I was still not pleased with this tactic, especially for my friend who really wanted the bike.

Overall, I would highly recommend this game for anyone who is into racing, exploration, and goofing around with friends in cars. Just don't try to buy a motorcycle. Hearts get broken that way.

(DISCLOSURE: There is a complete edition of the game available that includes everything the game has to offer. This review only pertains to The Crew in it's original form, which I got for free for Xbox Live Gold members as of the time of this writing. If you have the full version, then you can buy a motorcycle and let me know how it feels to ride it.)

Technicolor Madness (Furi Review)

QUICK FACTS:

Developer: The Game Bakers
Initial Release Date: July 5, 2016

Platforms: PS4, PC

Rating: M - Violence, Strong Language

WARNING: THIS GAME IS NOT APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN OR YOUNGER TEENS

Imagine a rave party. See yourself dancing among crazy people as they light up sticks and throw them around the room to the beat of a song that people only know the chorus of. It seems pretty fun, but it suddenly turns into an open mic night and some demented Peter Cottontail rises to share his story.

With each utterance out of his fuzzy mouth you become slightly more confused as the pace of the party is slowly murdered. Suddenly, without warning he teleports to a different place in the room. He continues talking to no one in particular about how people will do anything for love. You sit in silence as the party seems to crawl to a halt.

Without warning, he disappears and the beat to a totally different song starts. The room floods with different colors than before, but you continue partying because that is what you came to do, no matter how confused you are. Now, imagine this cycle continuing for a couple of hours. This is what your brain on Furi looks like.

It starts off simple enough, all you have to do is beat the jailer. The controls are simple and smooth, allowing you to easily pick them up and learn the ropes quickly. A decent soundtrack pounds in the background as slashes of lights and color fill the screen. With each sword swipe you get closer to beating the first of many opponents. When you do, the confusing tedium begins.

The demented rabbit man, who set you free from some kind of prison, arrives and starts talking. Not to you specifically, since your character neither speaks or responds, but to himself. Every line of dialogue out of the mouth of the purple disco bunny reminded me of a fortune cookie. Something that is a universal truth or opinion that could be applied to anything.

While he is talking about random things, you walk. Actually, a better description would be that the game walks for you. After a long tedious battle, the game wants to give it's players a break. It would be a little bit more bearable if the character walked quickly, or if he didn't have to walk ten miles between each battle, but it's nice if you like that sort of thing. You do have the option to take control away from the game, but it will punish you. The same oddball logic applied to the dialogue is used for the walking controls. Want to go left? Well then all you gotta do is press left, wait right...no up...I mean down! The camera will continue to change perspective on you, as if it is just as lost as you are. At least there is an easy solution to this. Press one button and the game will continue on it's slow and merry way to the next fight.

The intriguing thing is that the controls INSIDE the arena are tight and responsive. It's Furi's comfort zone. The arenas are filled with lights and color, and I found each battle to be genuinely exciting. It feels like an accomplishment to beat the unique strategies of each enemy. They are a threat and once conquered, they can provide one of the most satisfying feelings I've experienced since Dark Souls. But, once the fighting is over, the game congratulates you and takes you on a walk again.

So why have the walking at all? I guess some might argue that the game should have a story, or that the breaks are necessary because a game with one hard fight after another would be too intense. Although that could be true, I think the long breaks where I sat and did nothing while listening to some weird purple suited bunny philosophize was a little much.

Overall I really enjoyed this game, and would highly recommend it to anyone looking for a short, action oriented adventure with a steep, satisfying challenge and gorgeous art style. Don't expect a deep story, because there isn't one. If you're okay with that, and with taking five minute breaks between fights, then you should slice your way through this technicolor madness...just ignore the demented purple Peter Cottontail. He will always ruin a good rave party.

Also, the game is free on Playstation Plus as of the time of this writing (which I got it) so if you want to take advantage of it, now is a good time!

House Simulator (Gone Home Review)

QUICK FACTS:

Developer: The Fullbright Company
Initial Release Date: August 15, 2013

Platforms: PC, Mac, Linux, PS4, Xbox One

Rating: Not Rated (Strong Language, Suggestive Themes)

It was a dark and stormy night. Rain spatters against the window as you suddenly arrive at your front door. You don't remember how you got there, or why you have this odd sensation that there is nothing beyond your front porch. You peek out the window only to see the inky blackness of the night, along with some weird pixelated rain dripping down the glass.

Within a few minutes, you realize that you don't have a key to your own house and have to go looking for it by throwing random objects around the room. In little fits of frustration you manage to toss a series of random objects in telekinetic rage, looking for a key that a voice in your head says must be around somewhere. Finally, you find it under a stuffed animal. Naturally.

As time goes on you explore the interior of a normal looking house, force pushing doors open and maneuvering the laws of physics to open drawers towards you by looking at them. You soon realize that objects take on a mysterious white glow when you get near them, indicating that your force powers will work on them. This is not a Star Wars game, just to be clear. It's an odd little story driven walking simulator called, "Gone Home".

I never realized I wanted to go around an abandoned house and look through stuff until now, and the game captures that immersion decently well. I can turn lights on and off, flush toilets, turn sinks on, and open drawers all through the power of my mind! In fact, if I could do this in real life, I would never leave my house. I'd just wander around using my telekinetic abilities on all of my belongings until I got skilled enough to become a Jedi knight! Honestly I don't know why I have Star Wars on the brain today, anyways...back to "Gone Home".

Surprisingly there actually is a decent story in this game. For some reason it's all told through the voice of the main character (who is you) narrating her own life to herself. I don't know about you, but whenever I have a memory, I don't narrate what happened to myself. I am fully aware of what went down because I was there. Sam, the main character, is a spunky, rebellious girl who likes grungy rock music and exploring her house using the force.

As you progress through the game, you hear more tidbits about her life, as told by her to herself, and things get more complex. What started off as a simple drawer opening simulator turns into a twisted mystery. Where did her family go? Why is everything abandoned in the house? Where did Sam get her telekinetic abilities? Why does she not have feet, hands, or any physical presence? Is she a ghost?

I cannot answer any of these questions, since that would spoil the story, but I can tell you one thing for certain. I never finished the story. You see, the game was going along smoothly until Sam started narrating about a certain aspect of her life. Without spoiling too much let's just say that I was getting a little feeling in my gut that she was speaking of one of her female friends too fondly. At first it was kinda sweet, hearing her talk about how she liked spending time with this friend of hers, and how they used to hang out and play video games, but then everything changed. What started off as a narrative of friendship evolved into something a little more intimate than I would've preferred.

Overall, if this narrative arc does not bother you, and you don't mind a slower paced game laced with an intriguing mystery, then I'd recommend it on it's ability to immerse you as a player. There are even some spooky elements intertwined in the story line that could intrigue you, but don't expect the game to turn into horror. It never reaches the point of being scary, but it is a little spooky.

If you like mysteries, and are into moody lighting and sound effects that draw you into a virtual world, then I'd recommend you go home...where you will find out that you have telekinetic powers and are secretly a Jedi.