Quick Facts:
Developer: Deep Silver, Eutechnyx
Initial Release Date: June 24, 2013
Platforms: Ps3, Xbox 360, PC
Rating: M (Blood and Gore, Drug Reference, Intense Violence, Partial Nudity, Strong Language, Sexual Content)
WARNING: THIS GAME IS NOT APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN OR YOUNGER TEENS
Gather around boys and girls. Let me tell ya a story. Now this ain't gonna be no fairy tail, but a legend. You've probably heard whispers spread around this ol' town about a special game. A disc of legend that few have laid eyes on, and even fewer ever attempted to endure. I know you kids play those new, crazy games about shootin' people in wars and blowin up green aliens and stuff, but this is a different kind of game. This one is scary in ways that few can bare. Let me tell you the story of a game called Ride to Hell: Retribution.
Now you boys and girls may think that little 1% in the title means somethin special, like being the top 1% at school for bein so smart...but it doesn't. A few local historians claim that the little ol' 1% represents the bikers who are actually the hardest of the hardcore. To tell ya the truth, I ain't got the darnedest idea what bikers do, or how they relate to each other, or what goes on with the other 99% of bikers who like to ride, but I can tell ya one thing. That 1% represents the people who can endure the game, and do something that few people have managed to do successfully. Enjoy it.
You might be able to wear a smile across your face, but inside your soul is crying for release. Jake Conway is not a man you want to mess with, or even look at. His jagged complexion and pixelated persona may have you looking away to keep your eyesight. Even hearing the sound of his voice makes your eardrums cower in fear, and your hands reach up to block the pain. It's like listening to someone talk in monotone dramatically. You can't imagine that? I can't either. You have to hear it for yourself.
If you survive the initial introduction, you will have to endure playing it...and that is far worse. Everything from dancing the can-can violently to dispatch of enemies ten feet away to shooting specks of dust at bikers with that gun in your hand begs you to stop playing. But you won't...not until it's done. It's human nature to be curious, and even though your body screams at you to cease the torture, the curiosity that killed the cat will constantly whisper in your ear, "just one more level".
Somehow, each level after the first drags you slowly into the pits of pity. You may even shed some tears. Whether those tears are from joy or from suffering is something between you and your maker. That's your business. My business is to tell you to stay away.
With each passing hour, you'll wonder why you're still playin. No one but you can answer it, and you can't. The game breaks all conventional rules of fun, but still remains entertaining for those who are a sucker for pain, or the innocent bystanders who knew no better. You may even suffer brain damage, through hitting yourself in the head by way of what you kids call a "face palm" or through the constant stupidity the game expects you to take seriously.
Don't worry kids, it'll all be okay. I ain't tellin this here story to scare you, but to warn you of the dangers of taking part in this ritual. Some people that have played this game were never the same. They constantly went around yelling at things, trying to slide their bikes under tanker trucks, and expected to beat up bullies by dancing the can-can. Poor souls...they'll never recover. Their souls have been scarred by the ride...
This game's title is not just a metaphor. If you want to experience the dangerous depths of despair and agony on a disc, then go ahead. Buy it for yourself and plug it in. Watch as everything you know and love fades away into the grainy darkness of failure. Be careful that your brain doesn't leak out your ears as you play, because I can tell you that your little ol' brain will try to escape in any way that it can. If you can survive the ride, then you are a hero in this town. But if you are just looking for a game to play on a lazy, rainy afternoon, then go ahead. Take the risk.
But I can tell ya one thing. You might have played bad games before, but you've never been on a ride to hell.
