Lost in Space (No Man's Sky Review)

Quick Facts:

Developer: Hello Games

 Initial Release Date: August 9th, 2016

Platforms: PS4, PC

Rating:  T (Fantasy Violence)

Space is infinite. There are millions of stars and solar systems beyond our own home planet, Earth. In No Man's Sky, Hello Games attempted to recreate this illusion of nearly infinite possibility using an ingenious algorithm. Everything is generated using a sophisticated formula that has never been used in games before. Planets, animals, plants, atmospheres, and landscapes are put together seamlessly as you explore the vast depths of space. There are no loading screens, no wait times, just complete freedom to go wherever you want.

After reading up on this game, I was very excited to become an interstellar explorer. Soon, my name would be over the vast universe as an interplanetary scientist, researching the worlds beyond our own, and recording them for the rest of the known universe to experience. My eyes brightened with excitement as the game finally finished installing on my PS4. With a deep breath, I took the cool plastic controller in my hand and pressed start. From this point, my journey was just beginning.

As the stars zoomed past, I imagined myself on a wonderful, tropical paradise, naming animals and relaxing in the cool breeze. Or maybe it'd be a cold, frost bitten planet where I'd have to find shelter and warmth to survive, and where all of the creatures would be fur laden mammals made to survive such harsh temperatures. Soon, the stars stopped flying past, and the screen went dark. Where was I going to end up?! I held my breath as the screen started brightening with color. Sadly, it wasn't a color I was hoping for.

Instead of a bright, lush tropical paradise, or an adventurous frozen wonderland, I set foot on something that looked like the microscopic image of a far flung piece of nasal excrement. Constant rain drops pelted the ground around me, and I let myself relax for a moment. Well, at least it's not extremely dangerous here. That thought lasted about five seconds until I took the time to notice my little white bar decreasing at a slow and steady pace. What is that? I thought to myself. Finally, the realization slapped me in the face. Really? I stared at the screen in annoyance.

Acid rain. Not only did I wind up on a planet that looked like Dagoba minus the foliage and a wise Jedi Master who had an odd grasp on the English language, but now it was raining acid on me. No wonder there wasn't any life here, except for some mushrooms sprouting up out of the ground like gross, hairy growths on the nasal excrement. I sighed and walked to my ship. Well, I'm leaving this disgusting planet, and then I'll enjoy myself.

Aha there it is! I walked over to my beautiful ship and pressed the enter button. The ship closed around me and I looked out, saying bye to the planet. Normally, I'd say good bye to a place I'd been to, but there was nothing good about this planet. I pressed the ignition button, and then growled. Apparently, my ship was broken.

Great! I yelled to myself and exited the ship. First, I'm on the ugliest planet of all time, and now I have to fix a ship that was broken. Calm, alluring music filled my ears, as if I were taking in the most astounding landscape. Apparently the game wasn't smart enough to realize that I had the short straw in the planet drawing. Fine, enough about the planet, I thought to myself as I walked away from the ship. I'm gonna leave here soon anyway.

I pulled out my laser to mine some materials, then realized the laser was broken. What on Earth did I do to myself before the game started? My voice became gravelly as I started whacking rocks with all my force. Who would've known that this amazing, expensive game would've boiled down to Minecraft in space. 

After about an hour of wandering around the planet, I finally had the materials to fix my ship. With a sudden burst of excitement I ran all the way back to my ship, transferred the materials and was ready for take off. What I didn't realize....was that the thrusters and the launching part of the ship were different. In short, my ship was still broken. With that, I shut the game off. I wanted to explore the infinite depths of space, I really did, but this game had a way of teasing me. It's like a date with a girl who won't give you a kiss goodnight...after dating for six months. Although I do admire the effort put into this game, I can't say that I recommend it.

It's a well designed game, with a nice soundtrack, decent graphics, and smooth game play, but you will need lots of time to get anything good out of it, and time is not something I have a lot of these days. Therefore, if you are in the mood for something different, calm, and interesting, try it. It's definitely worth the experience, but I would borrow it, not buy it. At least for now.

The one thing I must say is that it was a valiant and creative effort on the part of Hello Games to create something this innovative. I understand the art of game design and must say that they were genius in their ideas. The only problem is that the genius they instilled in this game is hard to get to initially, and it takes time to leave the planet that you're on. Now if you start on a beautiful planet then by all means enjoy yourself! But for me, and my little, poopy planet I wound up on, I realized something from the start. This game had an appropriate title, and I would definitely say it was Not My Sky. 

Time Constrained Treasure (You Have 10 Seconds 2 Review)

Quick Facts:

Developer: Tamation Games

Initial Release Date: August 26, 2016

Platforms: PC

Rating: Not Rated (Mild Cartoon Violence)

You have ten seconds. Ok, here are the rules. Nine. Right arrow on your keyboard is to move right. Eight. Left arrow is to move left. Seven. Space bar is to jump. Six. You see that door over there? Five. No, not the black one! Four. The white one! Three. Hurry! Run to it! Two. Now touch it! One. Phew! That was close.

As the screen cascades in a twisting block of white, you are assaulted with another set of instructions. The ice is slick! Don't touch those spikes or you'll...never mind, just start at the beginning of the level again. Ok, now that you got the rules, make sure you...oh wait I forgot to tell you that the map is upside down. RESTART. Great, now you understand that the map is upside down, you'll need to use the portals. Yes, jump through them. Good. 

It may seem chaotic now, but you're getting the hang of it. Just a few more levels to go. You got this! I believe in you! And...welcome back to the level select screen. Now you can do the process all over again by walking through that door down the hall.

Wait, you want a review? Well, here's the gist of it. You are a little white block. Throughout the game there will be many contrived reasons why you can't just go through the door. You have to learn to run, jump, teleport, swim, shrink, flip gravity, and lots of other stuff if you wanna survive. Don't worry though, the game is great at easing you in. Also, I am not sure why, but I think it may be important to mention that the game defaults to a little window instead of full screen. So, if you are looking for a game with gorgeous graphics and detailed lighting....you are looking at the wrong game. It's free though, and small, so it can fit comfortably in your hard drive like a small kitten in a box you found on a rainy street in New York. Now that is an obscure movie reference. Moving on.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Game play. You see that number at the top of the screen rapidly descending and beeping as you move around? That is how much time you have left. Not only does the game restrict you from going to the door, but you must do it in ten seconds! In any other game, this would be a frustrating constraint. But, the beauty of this gem is in it's construction. By giving the players ten seconds, the levels are simplistic but challenging. 

You don't have to worry about memorizing long strings of combos, or managing items in an every expanding and increasingly irrelevant inventory. Instead, it's the foundation of a what a video game should be. Quick reflexes and immediate attention to the goal at hand. Now, I do respect games that go far beyond this, but You Only Have 10 Seconds 2 reminds me of a simpler time when video games were pure entertainment.

At times you'll want to hi five yourself in the face for being a genius and an idiot in the same ten seconds. In my years of gaming I've never felt so pleasantly frustrated. The pleasure comes in knowing that there must be a simple solution waiting right in front of you, and within ten seconds you can beat a level that took you ten minutes to figure out. Everything else, from repeatedly hitting the same spike that you KNOW is there to missing the door right when the last second ticks away can lead to maddening frustration. Don't worry, the frustration will wear off and reveal a sense of accomplishment that is rare in modern gaming.

If you like fast paced game play, easy to understand controls, a catchy chiptune soundtrack, and the unnerving sense of tension brought upon by a constantly ticking time bomb, then I highly recommend You Only Have 10 Seconds 2.  A brief disclaimer though. The game is very short, but there is a level editor which could provide some extra entertainment for the creative types. It's a pretty intuitive interface that allows you to easily come up with insanely difficult labyrinths for you and your friends. This only unlocks after you beat the game however, so that you understand how all of the different objects work, which I think is a smart idea.

I have ten seconds left. Well I hope you enjoyed reading my review. Nine. It was fun playing and writing for you guys. Eight. Looks like my time is running short so I'll say this. Seven. The game is free to play. Six. It's on Steam (the PC gaming client). Five. And you can download it at the time of this writing! Four. So, if you're up for a game that's easy to learn. Three. But difficult and engaging to play. Two. Go ahead and download You Only Have 10 Seconds 2! One. You won't regret it. Good bye.

REVIEW TERMINATED.